How I Lost My Privacy

If you are male and tend to be embarrassed over women's issues, or if you are male and tend to harass me about anything, ever, then close your browser. Now. Don't talk back, just do it. Because this is not a gender neutral post. It's a girly-girl post.

On the family blog.

Today, it became rather apparent that I seriously needed to go shopping. No, not because I am a shopaholic. Those who know me can testify to my lack of concern for fashion. I miss the days of leggings and oversized sweaters. Oh, wait. That is stylish again now. But I have gained weight in places that leggings don't flatter. Or flatten. Whatever.

And I didn't need to shop because I love it so much. Age is bringing on a growing appreciation for window shopping, but not for clothes. See shopaholic reasoning. I simply don't care. So long as I am looking modest and neat, then the latest fashion can keep right on hanging on that rack.

No. Shopping was certainly with a purpose today. As it would have to be. I took all three kids with me. And no stroller. DO YOU HEAR THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH? (er, being typed by my hands?!?) I took all three children into a department store. By myself. Without my beloved stroller.

I was indeed a woman on a mission. While I was puttering around the house today, trying to get another load of stuff crammed into the back of my van, I felt an odd popping sensation. While I was busy cramming, my brassier was busy dieing. I just trashed my next to last comfy one a few weeks ago, promising myself to make time to go shopping. Alone. In Victoria's Secret, or something that made that kind of shopping glamorous.

Let me just insert here that taking three kids into VS does nothing to help define glamorous.

That's why I found myself in Penney's with a baby propped up on a hip (that's why women's hips really spread, to make a comfy pad for the kid to sit on) and two pre-schoolers giggling at the lingerie that they could put on their heads. Why do they hang the largest cup sizes so low? I would have laughed and been clicking pictures of those two, but, no. Not really feeling the funniness of it all at that moment.

As I perused the selections, the kids giggled and grabbed and played peek-a-boo with the DD sizes. Elizabeth did her level best to chew or drool on anything she could get a grubby hand on, and I tried to manage my selections in the same hand that held Elizabeth while using my 'spare' hand to remove future shopper's selections from her mouth.

Finally I was ready to head to the dressing rooms. Oh, happy, happy, joy, joy. The Lingerie Lady eyed me and my children and my bundle of bras. She nodded in the general direction of the dressing rooms and told me to take my pick. They were all open and empty. Would my children like some candy?

People say that out loud. 'Can I give your kids refined sugar in dark colors and brightly colored packages?' And the kids will look at me with huge, pitiful eyes that are begging for this lovely treat. And I caved. It was much easier than dealing with the inevitable fall out. I mean if things go well, the kids don't whine, but then they are nitpicky with each other. If things don't go well, I wind up with someone whining, crying, or sometimes sitting down and stubbornly glaring at me.

I would love to say that my kids don't do that, but they do. Especially when they are tired. And I take them in a store to shop for not fun stuff.

So Lingerie Lady gives each child a small chocolate bar. I herded them into the largest fitting room, sat Sarah Grace in one corner and gave her the go ahead to unwrap and enjoy her chocolate. Thomas sat kitty cornered to her in his spot and unwrapped his bar. As the chewing and slurping commenced, I moved the chair (with arms!) over to the mirror and sat Elizabeth in it to play with her reflection. Then I did what I needed to do.

Except Elizabeth kept grasping for tags and trying to chew them. Quick, distract her with a hanger. Try on another one. Remove bra from Elizabeth's hand. Where did she get that long piece of string she is chewing on? Next one to try on. Remove bra from Elizabeth's mouth. Give her another hanger.

As all of this is going on, Thomas and Sarah Grace are very diligently working on their chocolate bars. Somehow, they managed to keep their faces and their hands neat. Oh, and the fitting room is filling up. As I was trying on the last of the undergarments, Thomas chose to be aware of what was going on. Loudly and with much praise in his voice, he chimed in with his opinion.

'That one fits you good and you did it on all by yourself, Mommy!'

*giggle, snicker, outright laugh*

Sigh. No dignity to this. None. And it's not like in the bathroom where you just wait until all the other people leave. No, not like that at all. I had to go out and face my audience. Or Thomas' audience, rather.

I managed to pry all the rejects from Elizabeth's little hands and get the kids lined up without further commentary. We marched out of the dressing room area as several ladies smiled and I tried to hold my head high. I noticed that as we stepped out into the shopping area, Lingerie Lady had taken away the reject rack. Not wanting to lay all those unwanted, ill fitting bras down to create further work for anyone, the kids followed me through the department as I replaced them to their racks.

Just as we were finishing up, I turned and saw Thomas and Sarah Grace facing each other with a rather large bra covering their heads. Their entire heads. I was grateful they couldn't see my face, because it took me a moment to quit giggling and compose my features in a way more suited to tell them to please put it back and quit! For the love of Pete, quit!

The kids were rambunctious and sugar buzzing and feeding off each other's energy by this time. We made our way to the check out counter where I placed Thomas on one side of me and Sarah Grace on the other side of me. I falsely believed this would keep them still for the three minutes it would take us to check out. No. Thomas started tickling Elizabeth's feet (which stay bare, since she just tosses the socks in the floor of where ever we happen to be) and Sarah Grace had to check out what the giggles were about. She poked her head around and started laughing, causing Thomas to peek around and start giggling. A new game of peek-a-boo ensued with all three kids laughing maniacally as Lingerie Lady rang me up and kept glancing at the kids like they were some fantastical creature rather than just a crew of noisy, happy children. She handed me my receipt and reached for her candy basket, all prepared to offer more sugar to my children.

It took all my restraint not to slap her hand. All of it. She must have noticed my hand trembling because she asked me with her eyes if the kids could have more candy. The fervent shake of my head must have been enough to convince her to stay quiet, and the basket was quickly stowed back beneath the desk. I grabbed my bag and told the kids to hold hands. As we were leaving the Lingerie Department, Thomas glanced over his shoulder and yelled 'thank you' to the Lingerie Lady. I happened to look back to see if she heard him and saw one of the shoppers pointing to us and talking to another lady.

No doubt telling her of my Super Mommy skills and how I needed my three year old son's advice on bra shopping. And that, friends, is what having kids is all about. Learning that privacy is really only a pipe dream and that kids really are a slice of humble pie.

The Post You Know You Want To Read

So, for those of you who knew what plans the week held for us, read on to satiate your curiosity. For you poor souls who have not the pleasure of hearing me in person, well, we had the supreme pleasure of attending the sporting event of the year!

DONKEYBALL!!!

We got there pretty early and saw this bunch of docile donkeys lined up outside their trailer. Thomas and Sarah Grace commented on the smell. And by the time we made it into the gymnasium, Thomas had decided he liked the smell. My little agriculturalist.

We made our way to the top of the stands and since the bleachers were still relatively empty, I allowed the kids to run around. They were thrilled to be running about and managed to find several balls that had been hit into the bleachers during gym classes. Tennis balls, different size wiffle balls, and a super ball that I made them leave alone. It was NASTY looking.

But you don't care about what the kids did during their first to a high school gymnasium, now do you? You came to read about donkeys. And basketball.

The announcer was a hoot, trying to pitch his voice above the excitement of this yearly benefit. The teams were the Juniors (in blue) and the Innocent Seniors (in orange). As the starters were announced, they each had to walk to center court and bray like a donkey, more or less on all fours, bucking their 'back feet' in the air. And woe to the poor girls who went about it shyly. They had to repeat the maneuver, and if it was still not up to the announcers standards, repeat again. And again, and even again, in once case. At last, after the team pooper scoopers had been introduced, the donkeys were brought out.

Before the game ever began...this was the scene:



Don't get me wrong, things did not improve all that much. That back scratching, lazy donkey stayed right there in his lotus position for the first several minutes of the game. Not at all inclined to get up and exercise. I can totally relate. Who wants to run around when there's lazing about to be done?



As the game progressed, I noticed the ref (who just happened to be the donkey's dedicated trainer) was giving 'mixed' signals, if you will. Donkeys, and the students who were along for the ride, would be spread about and at a yell (words that I could not make out above the laughter) the donkeys would take off trotting to the side of the court the ref was on.



Occasionally a donkey would manage to lose its student, and would make a break for it. This poor girl was a tad bit intimidated by her donkey, and spent nearly as much time chasing him as she did leading or riding him.



The game consisted to two halves, each eight minutes long. At the end of the game, the teams were tied. We went into sudden death, where the ref (not at all trying to disguise hi mischief) handed the ball off to the Innocent Seniors and continued to toss it the orange shirted kids until they managed a goal. I, of course, was cheering for my cousin Deanna's Junior class. Devoted gal that I am. But I still cheered at the end of the game. Because it was stinking hilarious, that's why!



And, since this is a family blog, I get to sneak in a picture of my children. At intermission, the time between the student's game and the faculty's game, people were invited to come out onto the court and meet the stars of the show. Who acted like the civilized animals we all know them to be. People were also invited to pet and sit on the donkeys.

At first, Thomas said he wanted to sit on a donkey and take a picture for Daddy. However, after a quick pat on the belly of one of the creatures, he changed his mind. He quickly opted to run all over the gym floor and take advantage of this place where you could run full speed and scream to your hearts content. Inside!!! Without getting in trouble!!!


They also liked shouting out the names of the letters as they walked the path of the letter. Great letters lesson there folks. Just in case you ever get the chance.

*Disclaimer - The camera man (me) had a helper (Elizabeth). If footage makes you sea sick, it is my fault. If footage shows you something that makes you laugh, Elizabeth is very advanced for her age. A pro, really.

Cincinnati So Far

It is sad to say that even after the snow had been in a melting process for three days, there was still way more on the ground here than we ever saw in Alabama this year. Almost as soon as we got here, the kids were begging to go out and play in the stuff. It was in the mid-forties, making it a bit disconcerting to be playing in snow in such relatively warm weather!

The kids tromped around in snow that was about ankle deep for them, rejoicing in the tracks that they were leaving all over the place. They made snowballs, real ones! And they were not the least bit shy about throwing them at Mommy. Thomas even contemplated a snow angel, but after his bum got good and wet when he sat in the fast-melting snow, he changed his mind.



As we were sitting around yesterday morning, Sarah Grace excitedly started chattering about reindeer. I was totally at a loss until I looked towards a movement outside the window and there were two deer gracefully picking their way through the yard. When those two had made it to a treed area, two more came bounding across! The children are now positive that their cousin Deanna has the direct line to Santa Clause. You know, since his reindeer live here and all.

Last night, we went to see Donkey Ball. Got your interest yet? Well, come back tomorrow for more, folks!

Snow?

The older two kids were in our bedroom at 6:30 this morning. 6:30. On a Saturday. Thomas was excited about the snow in his yard and Sarah Grace was excited about the snow in her yard. Did we have snow in our yard? They peeked out our window and confirmed that yes, indeed, we did.



It is endearing to me that the children believed that each window of the house looked out over a different yard.

Endearing or not, it was still 6:30 on a Saturday. If any of you lovely readers have children beyond the age that thinks it is appropriate to wake up that early, please comment letting me know how old they were when they grew out of the whole 'up with the sun on Saturday' mentality. I need some stats, people! Numbers!



We got up and bundled the kids up in 'winter' clothes. It has never occurred to me to purchase real gloves for the kids. Just some flimsy little things that more or less that keep the biting wind away from the sweet little digits. Let's face it, snow is a rare occurrence at best in Alabama. Back on subject, the kids had grandiose visions of snow ball fights and snow men and even a Snow Boz. They jumped and jitter bugged about as I did my best to find mittens and coats and hats and proper-ish shoes. Somehow I didn't imagine we should send them out in their Cozy Crocs.

Joshua and the kids were out in the snow by about 7 AM. They managed nearly a whole half hour before the kids proclaimed their coldness and came in to warm up with hot chocolate and waffles. They had made their snowballs, tasted the snow, and even scraped enough of the fluffy white stuff together to make a bit of a snow man!



In truth, I didn't mind getting up so early since there was so much excitement to be had. I would like to encourage them to hold off until 7, or hey, even 7:30??? You know, on normal days.

Normal? Definition, please?

Randomness...

...because it suits me. Randomness, I mean. This post has a point, but I think you have to be a random person to flow with it. That or be able to crawl inside my head and hold all the pieces of my thoughts in your hands.

I met with my Bible study group for the first time in two months tonight, and I realized exactly how random I really am. Well, that and a conversation with a friend today in which she laughingly asked if I was having an affair. Granted, the verse I was stuck on was something that was more suited to extra-marital relations, but my mind had read it and lodged a different meaning with it. I tried a couple of times today to make others understand my particular version of life application, but I don't know if I made sense to anyone.

It's been a tough six weeks. I haven't quite been able to get back into the groove of my little life since the whole wisdom teeth thing. It's the only surgery I have ever had, so I may blame a lot of things on that for several posts to come. And I have to place blame, you know. I have had this little funk of a mood and been so un-focused for so long that I have forgotten what it was like to ever be focused.

Today, I pretty well blew it with my kids. I lost my temper over the small stuff, and even when I realized I was acting irrationally, I continued to stomp around and huff about because it felt relieving to be letting off some of that steam that had been building up. As my children stood looking wide-eyed at me, I realized the damage I was doing. I told them to please put away their toys and I beelined for the garage.

Wanna know what I keep in the garage? My hand print business. Wanna know what I saw first off? A set of Elizabeth's footprints. Little feet that are going to follow in the ways that I lead them. As I stood out there and felt ashamed and frustrated and cold, it dawned on me that I have simply not been having any quiet time. No time to read the Word, to pray real thoughts or to just be still and listen. Sure, I read to the kids and listen to the kids pray, but I have not personally said anything other than rote prayers for a while now.

Your still wondering about that affair, aren't you? Patience, friends. Patience. Because I was, in a non-marital sort of way.

I came back inside and apologized to the kids. We bunched up in a chair and read a couple of books and then they went down for nap. Today, instead of hauling out the laptop like I have been doing, I pulled out the book from study and started skimming the chapter to refresh my memory. I got about half way through it when I got stuck.

The author was referencing Genesis where Joseph refuses Potiphar's wife's advances.

Now Joseph was a well-built and handsome man and after a while his master's wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!"

But he refused. "With me in charge," he told her, "my master does not concern himself with anything in the house; everything he owns he has entrusted to my care. No one is greater in this house than I am. My master has withheld nothing from me except you, because you are his wife. How then could I do such a wicked thing and sin against God?"
Genesis 37:7-9

You probably see something about a wife trying to get a servant to go to bed with her. What I saw stopped me cold. You see, the Lord has trusted me with so much, has made me the center of a home. I have a husband to care for, children to care for, a home to care for. My husband is the head of our home, but in so many ways, no person is more important to our home than me. A woman is the heartbeat of a home. She sets the tempo, the feel, the atmosphere. Me. That is my job. And while I have neglected none of those 'caring for' responsibilities , I have recently found a new love.

I started to really feel the gap in my life the week after New Years. We had quit traveling, the holidays were officially over, Thomas was in recovery from his surgery, and I was missing something. I tried to read a book (The Kite Runner, a good read so far) but it didn't help. I played games online. And then I found out that ABC posts episodes of current t.v. shows.

This handy-dandy little laptop streams HD Lost episodes. With Smallville in its last season, I felt the need to find me a new t.v. show. Just one. To insure that I get my hour of brain dead zoning each week. So I started out in season 1.

But I had three seasons to watch in order to catch up so that I would know what is going on this season. And the love affair began. At first, I waited until after the kids were in bed and I would invite Joshua to watch with me. But I got sucked in. So I began sneaking in an episode while he was at work, during the kids nap time. That turned into two episodes, and once, even four. During the week. While my kids were here in the house. One hundred and sixty some-odd minutes of t.v. time. Well, t.v. time laptop style.

As of today, I backed off to one episode a day. Or less. I was allowing myself to be seduced, not being mindful of the responsibilities and privileges that come with my position in our home.

Oh, things were getting done, but only because I was whirl-winding around trying to cover my tracks for not having been doing things as I should have. A fast and furious clean up here, and quick set of ironing there. Work for a few minutes with the kids on school stuff, read to them, pause the show as I dash off to make a meal.

Yeah, I have some work to do. I need to re-institute my quiet time. I need to pay attention to that Daily Plan that I supposedly use as a guideline to help me keep things on track and running smoothly. I must do the job that is set before me with diligence and integrity. The next time I look at Elizabeth's foot prints, I want to feel good about the path I am walking and know that I don't mind at all if she or Sarah Grace or Thomas are walking in my foot steps.

Things I Want To Remember About Sarah Grace - Age 2.5

Sarah Grace. Now there is a sweet little girl. She is full of laughter and hugs. She is an amazing big sister to little Elizabeth and mostly patient with her. She is smart, smart, smart, learning everything that I throw out to Thomas.

She has a blanket that she would drag around with her everywhere if we would just let her. When we are home, she will wrap up in it to watch a movie, drape it over her head to be a shepherd or little red riding hood. At night, she worries us to death if she can't find her 'wittle banket' to take to bed with her, and bedtime routine goes on hold until we find that beloved pink blanket. Then she snugs down, pops her left thumb in her mouth and finds a corner of the blanket to rub between the fingers of her right hand.

Sarah Grace is 'quiet' impaired. She came into this world with an amazingly quiet whimper, but also and amazingly loud wail. She was not a fretful baby, but as she got older and learned words, we found that her inside voice is the equivalent of Thomas' outside voice. She is high pitched, excitable, and loves to talk. Just get in a car with that girl. She will talk non-stop from point A to point B, with little regard as to how many miles might be between the two. Her vocabulary is gigantic given her age, and she uses most of her words correctly. And lots. Did I mention she is a talker?

Along with her non-stop chatter is a great imagination. She will make up a story to tell you about anything. Ask her about the bear, the car seat, or breakfast. She will concoct a riveting tale on the spot. If you are really lucky, she will make up her tale in the form of a song and sing her made up melody to you.

Her favorite shoes are her Gozy Goks (Cozy Crocs, duh!) Santa, a genius if I do say so myself, got hip and brought these wonderful shoes for Christmas. She will pair them up with anything. Case in point, I had her try on her very lovely Easter dress the other day and was wondering out loud where I would get her shoes. She shouted "I can wear my Gozy Goks, Mommy!" Such enthusiasm will be hard to get around.

She is an awesome snuggle bug. She loves to bring her 'banket' and sit in my lap while I read or browse around online. She likes to be up against my side with my arm around her and her feet tucked up under her. Then she insists on kissing me several times during our snuggle time. It's so hard to be me.

She is my brave one. She will try mostly anything, with some trepidation, but will usually come out smiling and saying it was fun. Thomas will send Sarah Grace to try stuff first. Cracks me up. I have wondered if she is brave by nature or just because Thomas makes her.

Sarah Grace has these beautiful little legs that go flat out all day long. Never was there a more exhausted kid at sleep times than that girl. Honestly, she can't seem to sit still. Even if she is standing, her legs are pumping up and down, just waiting to be freed from her 'still' position and carry her off.

Her face is flushed so prettily when she wakes up, causing her lovely blue eyes to sparkle all the more. She comes out of her room all smiles and energy, ready to go and eat, then go and, well, go. Until the next sleep time.

I love to hear that girl laugh. It is infectious. She gets the giggles and then the hiccups then giggles because she has the hiccups. I love when we go somewhere to spend the night and she and Thomas wind up sharing a room. They will laugh and squeal and giggle two and three hours past bedtime. And sometimes we let them. Cause you know, then they sleep later. Then we get to sleep later.

My Momma didn't raise no fool.